Remembrance: Donna Misa
Her Reflection: faith, hope and love
Donna’s death was tragic to me - just too much goodness departing from so many lives way too soon. Her suffering was maddening to me - debilitated, then paralyzed from the shoulder’s down for way too long. But her life was such a reflection to me - one of faith, hope and love in such a wonderful way.
However, you may be wondering, like me, how a loving God could allow a woman and family to suffer through such an agonizing situation? When I so often stand here on days like today, I need to remind myself and those present that that the earth is a broken shadow of heaven, which includes suffering and death. Yet there is a loving God who promises His peace for all of us while on earth and a restoration of it all at some point. The reality is that for now we are caught in the middle. See what God initially created was good. But it became cursed through sin and corrupt through the misuse of free will. So we find ourselves living in a broken paradise, waiting for His return to restore it all. But this is a hard truth on a day like today and doesn’t add much relief to the grief in our hearts. And while this truth about suffering and death are hard to comprehend, the truth that is easy to see is that because of Donna’s belief in God’s love what remains in our minds is how Donna lived out faith, hope and love. That is what I would like us to focus on and leave with it embedded in our soul’s today.
In knowing Donna over the last 20 years, I have 3 scenes from her life that depict how she lived out the “love passage” that was read and especially the last verse regarding faith, hope and love. Hear it again:
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1Cor 13:13
Scene 1 was Tuesday morning, May 28, 2019, just about 3 months ago. On this day, I saw her choose faith. It was an overcast day at her home in the city. I arrived and was greeted by her caregiver. When I entered the main room there Donna was sitting upright in her bed I found her frustrated with her Alexa (amazon echo) because it wasn’t obeying her voice commands. I told her how I didn’t like our Alexa either, because my 12 year old boy is always yelling commands across the room at her. As we laughed, caught up about family and people we knew she seemed her vibrant put together self. Internally, I marveled how she could do so in her debilitated state. As our dialogue continued, she shared how she had been wrestling with not wanting to live in her very limited state. Was she suicidal? No. Was she done being trapped in her own body? Yes. She went on to share how she was feeling like she had no purpose and was just becoming an endless burden to so many others. We spoke of how having grace for an unproductive self is really hard, especially when you have been so productive in life as she had been. The dialogue continued about how hard it is to have faith in God’s timing and purpose when life seems purposeless and the end is just looming. As the conversation head toward a close, she shared how she had been working through all of this. In her words, I could hear that she had already chosen faith. Faith in His timing, faith in His outcome, faith in His plans for others who were sacrificial serving her, and faith that there was purpose still left for her. Though there was much doubt, and with good reason, her faith in Him and His power in her was greater.
Scene 2 was Thursday afternoon, March 7, 2019, just about over 5 months ago. On this day, I saw her choose hope. The backstory was we hadn’t seen each other for years, based on her move to the city and her declining condition. So I was a bit of a latecomer to truly understanding her health challenges and how they had evolved. As I entered Donna’s 15th floor room at UCSF, on that March afternoon, the panoramic view from the Pacific Ocean to Alcatraz Island, with the rising Marin headlands in the background of the Golden Gate Bridge, along with the ever breezy bay in between was breath-taking. Meanwhile, once seated in front of her, I noticed that Donna’s breath, seemed to be one of the few things that had not been taken from her. The motionlessness, at first, was not obvious to me, for the vibrance in her face and voice captured my attention, as she sat upright in a chair across from me. It wasn’t until she ask her dedication, gentle giant of a son, Nick to place a shawl on her and move her arm to her lap that I noticed her debilitated state. I had been told she was suffering from a degenerative muscular disease, but it was hard to believe her arms, hands, legs and feet had become motionless. It seemed incongruent with the vibrance that continued to pour out as we conversed. I thought to myself, “She must be able to move.”
As the sunlight faded in the room as the early March afternoon played out, her body remained still. Yet, the Spirit of hope within her became more and more alive as we spoke. She shared how God had used the motionlessness to cause such great movements in her life: a new gratitude gained, old broken relationships restored, and heavenly hope held. Though her current hospital stay had revealed another type of movement within, which happened to be cancerous, even that couldn’t debilitate her hopeful Spirit. After the laughter, tears, reminiscing and prayers ended, I stood up to go, and Donna nonchalantly asked, “Do you think I could have my memorial at PCC?” Without hesitation, I looked down into her vibrant eyes and said, “It would be our pleasure.” As I rode down the elevator, I was overwhelmed with tears that were filled with the tragic hopefulness of her motionless and cancerous state. What I realized was that God had provided her with a view that was even better than the one I could see when I walked in - that of hope.
Scene 3 was Sunday evening, Oct 6, 2002, just about 17 years ago. On this day, I saw her deep love for others. Near the end of our gathering at PCC during communion, I headed to the back of our worship center. There Donna approached me. She asked if we could talk outside. After we got beyond the exit, she look me in the eyes, grabbed my arm and exclaimed, “Raye and Sienna are dead!” And then broke into tears. As we stood there, she went on to explain that there had been a car accident off a cliff, north of Half Moon Bay. Raye had died along with Sienna, who was 7 months in utero. Meanwhile, Tehani, Raye’s almost five year old daughter, was on life support at the Stanford ICU. Eddie, the husband and father, had survived and was being treated at Stanford for medical care and being held on suspicion for the accident.
This family Donna was speaking of was related to her through her sister-in-law Robin. Raye was Robin’s sister. The backstory was that over the few years prior, Donna had in her loving way invited Gary and Robin and their young daughter, Kelsey, to PCC. In time Raye and Tehani started attending also. For a treasured season, we were so blessed to have the Misa/Maganaris extended family clan with us regularly as a part of our Sunday evening worship gathering that Matt and I led. I still remember those young cousins running around after our gatherings with my oldest daughter of similar age.
After hearing the news from Donna, I headed to the hospital. There sweet Tehani, almost 5, was tragically released off a respirator into the heavenlies in the presence of Gary, Robin, myself and some doctors. That treasured season that had so quickly evolved into a glorious gift for the young and growing Misa/Maganaris clan was lost forever on that Sunday evening. Over the dark grieving weeks, months and years that followed, I saw Donna’s love pour out in tears often as we sat and discussed the great loss. And I saw her love pour out in action toward Gary & Robin’s family.
In time and even recently, I would hear about the love that continued to pour out of Donna as she served on our Care Team at PCC though she lived away from us. Be it phone calls made, cards sent, or prayers said, Donna would love on people who were in need. God gave Donna what seemed to be an endless supply of energy of love that she consistently released throughout her life whether she was a young single working mom busy with Nick’s baseball, grieving her own losses, stumbling to walk, confined to a chair, or motionless in bed.
Donna’s life proves that when you live by faith, hope and love in God remarkable things happen: A single mom can survive and thrive. A tragedy can be overcome. A debilitating disease can bring back a divided family. A stationary dying women can inspire and bring hope into a moving hurting world.
As we close today, I believe that Donna would not mind be remembered for her faith hope and love. But what she would really want to remain with us as we go is the greatness of God’s love and how it touched, shaped, changed and motivated her life. Her loving heart would also want to remain with us that this life changing love is available to all through faith in Christ.
Thanks God for having Donna remain for as long as she did. She did it well. She reflected faith, hope and love in the brightest and darkest of times. And to you, God, be the glory. BHR