Remembrance - Steve Bryan: “So rest easy in His gracious love.”

GRIEF & GLORY (view message)

Where were you when the wave of grief first hit, with regards to Steve’s sudden passing?

The grief wave hit me when Janai called on that dreadful Wed. night back on May 5 just after 900pm California time. I was sitting at the kitchen table recovering from a furious 5 game ping pong match that I had just finished with my 14 year old son. After seeing her name coming in on my phone, I answered in a cautious, curious manner, “Janai?” Her words were straight forward in order to get them out, “Brian, (pause) Steve died of a heart attack tonight.” The conversation lasted only three minutes. She had to go and I was in shock. Within the next two hours, after sobbing with my wife and going with her to tell another couple at their house, I found myself back at our house standing in the kitchen in the dark. I was in denial and decided to text Steve for I wanted it so badly to not be true.  

At 11:16PM PST I texted him.  “O my buddy Steve you are gone? Please reply back and tell me it is not so. Your friendship is irreplaceable in my life. So much shared and known, with too much more to enjoy.”

After I sent it, I thought that was selfish, because Janai was going to read that and it will just cause more pain. However, by 11:30PM as I got in bed, I checked my phone hoping that he would have replied. It would be a miracle if he did and I was open to one. But no response. And that guy still has not texted me back. No text in heaven. Can we get an Amen to that! 

So there I was left in the dark with my grief --- full of questions for God. Even as a pastor, I still don’t have all  the answers to the big one -  Why? Why God would you allow this?  Was it His will or man’s fault or both? What I can tell you is that God is good, our bodies are finite, life is full of trouble as we are stuck in the middle between His coming and return, but He is compassionate and can bring perspective and peace over time. Psalm 34:18 speaks to this where it says the Lord is close to the broken hearted and will save those crushed in spirit. And let’s remember the scene when Jesus wept when his dear friend Lazarus had died, even though He knew would raise him up. If Steve the therapist was here today he would say in times like this it is important to have the right view of God and to let yourself feel.  

In the days since his death, like you, I have waded through all stages of grief in no order: sometimes it is denial, anger, questioning, acceptance and deep sadness. But I have also had so many moments in reflection and in talking with Janai, my wife, other friends, hearing from his extended family, and reading responses to web posts where I cannot deny the glorious transformation God did in the life of Steve Bryan. 

What began as exposure to God as a kid, culminated in a wedding to Janai, who I would say was a little bit ahead of Steve when it came to faith. At their wedding, they had two passages read that I believe foreshadowed a faith that was about to come alive in Steve, but he was not yet living. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

By the late 90s, Steve began to offer his body as a living sacrifice through a faith in Christ and an acknowledgement of his brokenness before God. It was then that I began to see him start to become a new creation like what was read in 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  Sitting under the teaching of God’s word, accessing therapy and being in community with others resulted in his newness coming alive.

By the early 2000’s not only was Steve becoming a new creation, so was Janai and their marriage. This partnership became such a potent combination with those in need of recovery. They were recycling their suffering and acting as wounded healers by helping others break cycles and ushering in generational renewal. What they had found in God they were passing on to others formally and informally  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 speaks to this...  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

After the glorious gift of Kynnadi’s birth in 2007, which was such a long awaited answer to prayer and seemed like the ultimate blessing from the Lord, Steve felt called out of architecture to pursue helping people more directing as a therapist. In 2011, by faith, they sold their house and moved to Austin to fund the desire of Steve’s heart and God’s calling to be a therapist.

Fredrick Buechner says, the place where God calls you is the place where your great joy and the world’s great need meet. Austin became that place. In time, Steve by the grace of God, an education and mentors working with and through him became a highly regarded therapist. It has been said of him that he was an encourager, great listener, who reflected the presence of God. Simply put, he received people with compassion, helped them find their true identity and gave them tools to truly feel. As a dad, Janai told me that she was so grateful for how Steve cared for Kynnadi in the same manner. Plus he had  joy. Do you remember his joy?  The silly sayings (like the 7 Cs - Cookies, cakes, candy, chips, chocolate, crackers and ice cream), the laugh, the boisterous calls to Janai and Kynnadi, and oh the funny noises.  He became a vulnerable deep well that could splash you with laughter in a moment’s notice.  During Covid, his father in law and his parents both commented how awesome it was to see the joy he showed as he came out of his office after being on a Zoom session with a client. I love how his parents who raised and received him were able to see the glory of God come through Him.

It was early in the morning on March 11 this past year when I texted Steve and he confirmed this same thought. I wrote

SB- I was looking back through some journal notes of mine from 2011. It says we said goodbye to you all on 03.02.11. 

10 Years ago! That was a fast ten. So glad we are still connected. And I was reflecting in the silence this AM how the Lord has provided for us. And look how He has provided for you!  He is so faithful to us.

Steve texted back a day later on March 12: Thanks Bri- It HAS been a fast 10 years. Hard to believe I’ve now spent nearly 20% of my life in Texas. (I’m still a numbers guy).  I miss you and… . And I know God has me right where He needs me. My work finally aligns with the passion God poured into me long ago. It is exhausting, but oh SO rewarding.  Thank you for walking thru life with me.

A month later on April 12, Steve texted me after a phone call we had. On the phone call, I had  bemoaned  if I had done enough after 25 years of pastoral work at my church. His text read...So Great talking with you today. I am holding a tender heart for you. I know you may notice shortcomings... but… and he went to rattle off some of the impact he thought I had.     [Bro, You have impacted SOOOOO many for the Kingdom. My life alone is better, my marriage is better because of you and your faith in Him. You’ve led an inspiring journey of relationship.]  It wasn’t the impactful things that struck me about his text. No, it was his final words on that text which read …. So rest easy in His gracious love. [will you say it with me]

Steve loved numbers and these final 7 words I believe are the message God has for us wherever you are today in your grief or in your troubles tomorrow. Steve is reminding us of the Lord's compassion, our identity in Him and how to feel.

So rest easy in His gracious love for He has plans for you.

So rest easy in His gracious love for He will renew your mind giving you perspective and peace.

So rest easy in His gracious love for He will reveal His will to you.

So rest easy in His gracious love for He will make you new at whatever age you are.

So rest easy in His gracious love for He will recycle your suffering.

So rest easy in His gracious love family & friend for He can comfort your grief.

And finally, so rest easy in His gracious love my friend Steve for your soul is with the one who created you.